OH MONTANA. and North Dakota. and Minnesota. We crossed all of this in 17 hours in one day. My muscles started to atrophy somewhere around Billings. It's the hardest part of tour, but it builds character. It also builds a dread for I-90 that doesn't really compare with any other highway, except perhaps I-70 through Kansas.

We stopped across the street from this Bank to get gas. It must be Montana humor or something. There were also amazing mustaches, but I didn't want to stare like a tourist so there is no pic. Also they probably had guns. I'm always in awe of these little towns in the middle of nowhere. How do they survive without the Target Dollarspot? Why is there a sushi bar next to a tractor? All mysteries to me.

PORTLAND I AM READY FOR YOU.

On Friday at 3am we pulled into our AirBnB in Missoula MT. I booked this a few weeks ago, mostly drawn to the fact that it was run by a lesbian couple. I automatically trust that I will be on the same wavelength with a gay stranger, especially when we are in the middle of small-town America. There are a lot of weirdos and flannel out there. It's total stereotype I know, but it's one I'll stick with when booking rooms in a stranger's house anywhere between Chicago and the west coast. Plus they know how to decorate.

I was literally jumping for joy when I woke up Friday morning to find the Supreme Court had ruled in favor of gay marriage rights. I wanted to hug my AirBnB hosts, but I restrained myself and gave them a catnip toy not shaped like a penis as a token of goodwill for Manny the cat. From there we sauntered over to Seattle, and now I am safely and happily on the west coast complete with cell phone coverage and amazing scenery to sing the Jurassic Park theme song to.